I leave for Spain in the morning!
Ack!!!
I'm having a mild panic-attack. What if I didn't pack everything? What if my Spanish isn't good enough? What if I make a complete idiot out of myself? And what if I run out of money? And what if people on my program are mean or annoying? Or what if I don't have internet access there? Or maybe I'll get really homesick for my friends in Indiana, or I'll never understand anything in church, or I actually won't improve my Spanish that much, or I'll get bad grades in all my classes because my Spanish is SO BAD and it will ruin my GPA and I'll never be able to get into grad schools or law schools? And...I want to go hide.
Please people, tell me I'm being irrational!
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
3 comments:
You are not being irrational, all of those things are possibilities. However, I don't believe any of it will be true for you. You are too smart and too adventurous to make a complete mess out of this and have it ruin your life forever.
If you forget a few things, find new things. If your Spanish is poor, you'll learn. If you seem like an idiot, enjoy it while it lasts. If you get homesick, understand most of us will still be here when you get back, anxiously waiting to hear all about it.
I'm on the verge of law school and believe me, my grades are not what yours are, and I'm still competitive at top institutions. Relax, have fun, and take pictures!
Actually, if I reassure you, it only validates the anxiety. A professional clinician -- not that you need a professional, your anxiety seems perfectly normal -- would probably say, "Hmm. Well, that could happen. Live with the uncertainty."
It's like with a three-year-old. If you look under the bed, announce there's no monster there, double-check to make absolutely sure, shine a flashlight into the corners, and give the kid a Big Lecture about how monsters are only pretend, blah, blah, it only reinforces the idea that there is -something- there deserving of all this attention.
Okay, I'm done moralizing. Yes, you are blowing things out of proportion. Yes, you will be fine.
Remember, the secret is to dive in and not be afraid to look like an idiot. You are going to make some silly mistakes and blush furiously. (But they'll make such great stories later!)
But, a year from now, would you rather look back and say, "Nothing terrible or scary happened to me! I kept a perfect GPA! (Because I spent all my time studying the language but not speaking it)," or "I met new people! I learned lots of stuff! I had a blast! I visited amazing sites! I made a few dumb mistakes but they were actually funny! I have no regrets!"
Yes, as I thought. You are Carolyn. You are the family freak who actually has social skills. I'm sure you will be enthusiastic and bubbly and outgoing -- are you positive you weren't adopted? -- and have a marvelous time!
And further--GPA is nice, but when it comes time to look for a job in "the real world," I imagine employers would care more about how well you can communicate in Spanish, rather than if you got A's in every class.
Have faith! And eat lots of kinder chocolate, because that's the best. I pretty much agree with everything Jamie and Gail said, so I figured it'd be redundant of me to say much else. Just know that I am honestly praying for you, and that I am so excited to hear all about your adventures!
Post a Comment